Your Past: to share or not to share?

Nikki and I are fortunate to have spent many years together as close friends. What I admire about our connection is the unconditional love that has always protected us. I believe it helped to cultivate our friendship. As you can imagine we’ve shared stories and witnessed incidents that we might not have otherwise shared. Still, there is no judgment, no fault, and no blame. Respect reigns supreme. Despite experiences and situations of past involvements, what matters most is the essence of her being. Her character- which might I add kept me bonded to her- is all that matters at the end of the day. 

Knowledge of the past is beneficial. In the same breath, I do believe certain discretion should be placed on what is shared with your mate.  Although Nikki and I have gone through so much together, we do not know EVERYTHING.  We ask what we want to know/ need to know and respect whatever the answer may be.  On the flipside, we do not ask things we REALLY don’t want to know. J  You know what I mean… those things that make your damn teeth cringe and ears ring. At least that’s what happens to me, ha-ha! Not that we hold the past against the other, some things are better left dead.  We do not consider this a form of dishonesty or omission. Granted, we are open to ask any and everything. The main component is respecting the answer and knowing our capacity to handle it. We agree that what happened prior to the day we made our relationship official is to a large part, irrelevant; this is what works for us. There is not “black and white” in this topic.  Some relationships work sharing everything and some backfire by sharing everything.  Many of us know couples who have shared every itty, bitty detail of their pasts only to have it thrown back in their faces later. Not cool. Always remember that the present is most important. What may have happened before you is before you.  This isn’t an attempt to hide who you are, it’s an opportunity to share with your partner the person you are now.  Allow your experiences together to shape your tomorrows and not the circumstances of your past. 

We made the decision to be together.  In doing so, we embrace all of who we are to each other, with each other and for each other. I like to think we have grown and we’re still growing.  We are aware that our past helped mold us into the women we are today.  We are grateful for our growing pains/gains because they have made us stronger and better for one another! Our well-being, spirituality, happiness, fears, and children take precedence over everything else. The insignificant details of failed relationships do not take the limelight from our present.  We are our focal point.  Nikki and I joke that we are each other’s first.  Though we laugh, a lot of our experiences together feel like the first time. Our opinions about things/stuff are formed by our present mindset.  We do not allow our past experiences to deter us from current experiences.  We’ve opened our hearts to us.  She and I, me and her, we are in control of our own destiny. 

Who or what will you allow to control yours?

~Brandy Nasha © January 2011