Monday, July 13, 2015

July 14th: It's Our Anniversary (2015)

Through my tears, my heartache, my sadness, and my loneliness... Lord still do I trust you.

I thank God for blessing me with your love; so pure, so genuine, and so fulfilling. I feel you even in your physical absence. Nikki Rashan Jenkins, thank you for believing in our love; For trusting in our destiny and for giving me all of you. Our meeting wasn't by chance. We were hand picked by our God because we were exactly what one another needed. For all that you've been to me; thank you. For all that you helped me through; thank you. For being my friend, my wife, my ambassador, and the love of my life; thank you.

You evoked lyrics to my heartbeat. A love song was created by our Union which I hear within my spirit. Your song, our song will forever live within me. My soul dances in remembrance of our yesterdays. Today I will cover myself in your scent and breathe you in deeply throughout my day.

I miss you. I love you. Our love has no end...

Happy Anniversary Sweetheart.

Your Honey B ❤️


Saturday, July 4, 2015

60 day check-in



June 20, 2015, in Milwaukee WI, Nikki's ashes were placed at its resting place in an intimate ceremony amongst family. We shared our final farewells to a Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, and Friend who was loved by many. Enclosed is a photo of her memorial stone and urn. As you can see, Nikki's ashes rest within her final book...❤️

What time has revealed is how unimaginably painful it is to rise with the sun and retire with the moon, alone. My everyday had consisted of a kiss in the morning before work and Nikki saying, "See you later honey. Have a good day." Mid-day text messages, and my after work commute telephone conversation asking what she'd like for dinner and catching up on the happenings of our day. As I walked into the house I greeted her wherever she was then loved up on her up with hugs and kisses as if we hadn't spoken all day. I miss that. I miss her. 

Am I angry? Sometimes. Am I hurt? Absolutely. Am I hopeful? Yes. Do I believe? Yes, with all of my heart and soul.

What I know is I must "get up" every single day in order for God to help me get through. The bible states in 2 Corinthians 4:9 "We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going." So on the 61st day I will rise again with the sun thanking God for blessing me with another day and telling him how I look forward to the amazing experiences he has for me. Then I turn over, pick up Nikki's picture from the nightstand (her favorite photo of us below), hold it close close to my heart, share the words from my heart, and kiss her good morning. As I retire with the moon, I Thank God again for his many blessings and comfort, kiss Nik goodnight then repeat this when the sun rises again; if it's God's will. 

Our souls connected the day we met and courted until we chose to be "more than friends". Though her physical presence has graduated to the perfect realm, my soul will remain connected to her. A love so genuine and so pure, that was destined to be does not end...

I cannot go without mentioning my amazing family/friends who have loved up on me non-stop. The last few years have not been kind due to the loss of my dad, mom, grandma and now Nikki. For listening, supporting, loving, guiding, and not leaving me alone; THANK YOU from the depths of my heart. God has blessed me with some wonderful people in my life. 

The prayers of family and friends are surely working in my favor. Thank you ALL for your text, emails and calls. I know I'm non-responsive most of the time and I apologize for that. I'm still not quite communicative; please keep praying for me.

May you all have a safe holiday weekend with your families and friends. 

LAP Atlanta 2010