What time has revealed is how unimaginably painful it is to rise with the sun and retire with the moon, alone. My everyday had consisted of a kiss in the morning before work and Nikki saying, "See you later honey. Have a good day." Mid-day text messages, and my after work commute telephone conversation asking what she'd like for dinner and catching up on the happenings of our day. As I walked into the house I greeted her wherever she was then loved up on her up with hugs and kisses as if we hadn't spoken all day. I miss that. I miss her.
Am I angry? Sometimes. Am I hurt? Absolutely. Am I hopeful? Yes. Do I believe? Yes, with all of my heart and soul.
What I know is I must "get up" every single day in order for God to help me get through. The bible states in 2 Corinthians 4:9 "We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going." So on the 61st day I will rise again with the sun thanking God for blessing me with another day and telling him how I look forward to the amazing experiences he has for me. Then I turn over, pick up Nikki's picture from the nightstand (her favorite photo of us below), hold it close close to my heart, share the words from my heart, and kiss her good morning. As I retire with the moon, I Thank God again for his many blessings and comfort, kiss Nik goodnight then repeat this when the sun rises again; if it's God's will.
Our souls connected the day we met and courted until we chose to be "more than friends". Though her physical presence has graduated to the perfect realm, my soul will remain connected to her. A love so genuine and so pure, that was destined to be does not end...
I cannot go without mentioning my amazing family/friends who have loved up on me non-stop. The last few years have not been kind due to the loss of my dad, mom, grandma and now Nikki. For listening, supporting, loving, guiding, and not leaving me alone; THANK YOU from the depths of my heart. God has blessed me with some wonderful people in my life.
The prayers of family and friends are surely working in my favor. Thank you ALL for your text, emails and calls. I know I'm non-responsive most of the time and I apologize for that. I'm still not quite communicative; please keep praying for me.
May you all have a safe holiday weekend with your families and friends.
LAP Atlanta 2010
Beautiful... I admire your perseverance 💜
ReplyDeleteThank you for allowing those who do love you beyond what your eyes can see; to hear your voice through your words. You will continue to be in my prayers Brandy. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you Brandy and I know God will reveal is plan for you. I believe He has great things for you. Nikki continues to watch over you from Heaven. Thank you for continuing to share with us.
ReplyDeleteI was there in Atlanta that year. I remember so vividly the amazing wamth and tenderness you showed to each other. I remembered thinking, I am truly encouraged that love can exist in a real,deep,meaningful way. I have and will continue to be encouraged by the love you and Nikki share. Your souls truly remain connected! I pray for your continued strength and God's love to keep you!
ReplyDeleteYour an amazing woman Brandy. Thank you for letting us into your heart and mind. I know I didn't know Nikki, in almost ever picture you posted I could see she made you very happy and loved. I continue to pray everyday for you and send you love, kisses and big hugs. I live you Cousin.
ReplyDeleteAmen to that! It makes me happy that the two of you were able to harness that energy. The love you two share even now as strong as it was, was felt by so many others including me
ReplyDeleteI hope one day to see your words in a book your your writing is beautiful each time you wrote on yours and Nikki's blog I was touched.
ReplyDeleteI love that photo of the two of you. Such big beautiful smiles!
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