Since we began our relationship, Brandy and I haven’t engaged in too many conversations about our ex’s. We’re in a unique situation—by the time B and I started dating in 2009, we had been friends for over seven years and were already aware of each other’s experiences with others so there really hasn’t been much talk regarding ex’s. Plus, we already agreed that the past- the ex’s- are irrelevant to our relationship and who we are to each other (see previous blog ;-)).
There have been occasions, however, when we’ve had the “ex as a friend” conversation. We never really come to a consensus as I tend to believe it depends on the people involved, how the relationship ended and most importantly, whether or not there are any unresolved feelings on the ex’s part. Brandy, on the other hand, firmly believes it’s unnecessary to be friends with an ex. Because we don’t force our opinions on one another, I think we’ve agreed to have different viewpoints on this topic (and thank goodness this isn’t a problem for us anyway).
B never said anything about my friends list. Really there was never a need to talk about it. I, along with the few people I had dated that were on my list, had all moved on with our lives. It’s not like we were talking on the phone, lunching together (that's a whole different story) or even exchanging e-mails. Any interaction was public-a “Like” of status updates or a comment here and there; nothing major. But still I know that the “ex” topic can be fragile for some, even if the only connection is online. So tell us, what are your thoughts on the ex-factor? Do the people you dated automatically get removed as a friend if it doesn’t work out? Or is it okay if you or your partner have ex’s as friends online? If an ex requested your friendship now, would you accept?
© Nikki Rashan, October 2011
